Sunday 11 April 2021 | 4:8 AM Damascus Time
Loujean Al Samman

Circling back to the past love

Circling back to the past love
Wassily Kandinsky/ Russian painter ( 1866- 1944)
  • Sunday 19 July 2020

I circled back to your past to wash my tired soul;
And I knelt there, I bent there as someone who got lost between our love and my longing.
And I wash my body with the holy oil of our memories;
I prostrate and embrace the Sufi way, everything except the love;
And I do for you a rain dance, so my ground will be fertile;
I turn on the nostalgia, I light candles that shine in my deepness;
Then, I cry, I cry, I cry, then my tears become like a holy spring;
I love my tears because of you, I love my sadness because of you, I love my conquest because of you.
I swear that I have been trying to separate from you;
A thousand times, I failed.
I have been trying to miscarry you, from out of my heart and I failed.
And you always were like a rebel offspring, born of my deepness and drunk from my sap, from my blood, from my nerves.
Removing you from me is risky;
Removing you from me is risky.
However, the greatest risk is to forget you.
However, the impossible itself is forgetting about you.
You are my first love, first hometown, my first poem, first childhood.
You are everything who is purest, eldest, and first.
You are everything related to the roots, to the origin, to the Birth, and to a lighthouse.
I circle back to your past to come back to life, to clean myself from the current suffering just by your past, just by your past.
The public says that every person who circles back to her past will die.
Except for me, my love;
I circle back to your past to live;
To come back to life.